u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
