and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
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I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
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She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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