Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
