did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
