um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
