I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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