Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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