I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
