I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
