i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
