I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
