Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
