Have you finally orgasmed yet?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
