I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
