How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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