now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
