you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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