You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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