You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
