I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
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He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
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There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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