Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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