you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
