Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
