So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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