I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
