hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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