I'm gonna have a badass scar
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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