Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
