a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
