I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You may now shotgun with the bride
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
