Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
