"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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