i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
