I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
