**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
