omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do vagina's smell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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