you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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