Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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