Apparently you make a good broom.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
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It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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