You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
