I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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