I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
