the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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