WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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