Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
