i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
