Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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