And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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