my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
