i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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