If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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