This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
