Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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