Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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