dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
don't judge my taste in strippers
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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