so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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