i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
