getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
