there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
