god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
