I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
oh god was she eating orange peels again
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
