they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
