My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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