exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
