It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
