I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
