Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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