Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
