Acid is not a monday night drug
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
