He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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