the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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