my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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