He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
